saying good-bye to wrestling

My preperations for wrestling has revealed a new obession. I'll never love any sport more than wrestling and I still may find myself competing trying the make the Olympic team this summer. However, I cant deny that my focus has shifted. I'm not sure when or where it happened all I know is that I'm preparing for my first fight in 2 months and it been a long time since i've been this excited about anything in a long time.

Well, Today was crappy!!

Today was an awful day….

I’m upset that the inner city school that I work at has no sports or music or any kind of outlet because they can’t afford it.

I’m upset that I sacrificed and kind of normal life for my sport and I have nothing to show for it.

I’m pissed at my parents for not supporting me in this come back and I’m pissed at myself for letting them down by not making myself into something by now.

But what I’m most upset at that most is cant stop loving this sport and I still want to apart of it.  You know what they say you cant help what you love or is it  who?

Good thing there is practice tonight, I have a lot of things to wrestle through…. By the way I found a place to wrestle Zingano bjj. The gym is owned by an old college teammate of mine and her husband Cat and Mauricio Zingano. I’ve also been dabbling in MMA so far I really like it and I’m not oppose to the idea of competing in mma or bjj.  I’ve actually been wanting too for a while but couldn’t make it work with my work schedule.  

Practice was NOT good, my mind is still very competitive I want to win every bout, every position, every inch…..  However, my body is having a hard time keeping up. I feel heavy, my feet feel slow, and my timing is off…. Iam not happy about this… Iam going running !!!

Back from running ….. still pissed…..

Good Night. 

What the Heck am I thinking

I've decided that I want to wrestle and make a run for the 2012 London Olympic Games. However, there a few minor details that I need to work out before I even take myself seriously, let alone the rest of the world. 
1) It comes to no surprise for anyone who has seen me lately, I'm a bajillion pounds over my competition weight. 2) I'm not sure where I can get some good wrestling practices in 

3) The national tournament and Olympic qualifier are a little more than 4 months away. 

I have my work cut out for me..... I retired from wrestling in 2008. I had a great career with lots of memories and no regrets. Let me make this clear, the purpose of my return to the mat is in no way, shape, or form to redeem myself. During my career I did everything I could to make sure I could put my best foot forward for competition every time I stepped out on that mat. I have no regrets. My return to the mat has more to do with closure. My career ended abruptly because I wasn't prepared to handle the politics that come with working with an organization like USA Wrestling, and I wasn't sure how I could make my career work with out them (we'll get more into that later). More importantly, since my career ended,  I feel scattered.  I move from one place to another every few months, work dead end jobs, and I don't use the skills I acquired from wrestling so long. I feel I need to center and refocus myself.  The last time I felt focused, centered, and sure of myself were the days I spent wrestling. This is why i'm making a run for the next Olympic Games. This is an attempt to get my life back on track of pursuing excellence, to relearn what I need to or didn't get the first time time around. So when I return back to "normal life," I wont settle for this mediocrity.  So that I expect more from myself with how I pursue my work, who I choose to love, or who I let in my life, etc. etc. 

Now, My goals are a little different than last time but lets me be clear. I intend to do everything I can in the time I have to prepare to be the best and I intend on succeeding